Humor

Bill and Mary had been married years over 50 years. For the last couple of years their daughter Jane noticed that her father always called her mother by endearing names such as “honey, sweetheart, and darling,” instead of her actual name. Deeply touched at seeing how much he still loved her mother, and finding him alone one day, Jane told her father, “Dad, I’m so moved and thrilled to see that after all these years together, you still care so much about Mom and call her by such loving, sweet names.”
But her father, looking sheepish, replied, “Well… you see… I forgot your mother’s name about two years ago.”

He can compress the most words into the smallest ideas better than any man I ever met.—Abrahman Lincoln

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusions is called a philosopher.—Ambrose Bierce

Late one night in Washington DC a thief dressed in black jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. “Hand over all your money!” he shouted.
Outraged, the man shouted back, “You can’t do this—I’m a U.S. Congressman!”
“In that case,” demanded the robber, “give me back MY money!”

John was out for a walk when he heard a great crash behind him. He turned around and saw a “New York’s Super Soft Drinks” delivery truck overturned, with soda pop flowing out everywhere on the street. The driver seemed to be all right but was wailing, “Woe is me, woe is me,” nevertheless. A large crowd gathered around.
John asked the driver, “Are you all right?”
“No, I’m not hurt, but my boss is going to deduct the loss of all this soda pop from my paycheck. I’ll probably go bankrupt.”
Then from the crowd one man stepped forward and implored the crowd, “Did you hear this poor man? He’s going to owe a lot of money that he doesn’t have, because of this accident. He will have to go into debt, and might even go bankrupt and starve to death. We can’t let this happen. We must help him.”
The man himself then took off his cap and placed it on the ground next to the driver. And taking a $20 bill out of his wallet, he put it in the hat. “Well,” he tells the crowd, “what are you waiting for?! Help this poor man out. It will do your soul good.”
The crowd surged forward and very soon the hat was overflowing with money. The man picked up the cap and gave it to the driver. “Here, my good man, this will go a long way to help you out of trouble. Take this back to your company’s office and give it to your boss.”
As the man walked away, John said to the driver, “What a selfless act! I’d like to write to the newspapers about this. Have you ever seen him before? Do you know him?”
“Sure,” said the driver, “that’s my boss!”